I'm in a holiday mood already D: Ohno. I don't know exactly what there is to look forward to anymore. But oh well.

Anyway I was just thinking, I'd very much like V day only the day that I go into the commercial line. Otherwise I'm not exactly it's biggest fan right now. Or ever. I mean, hell, people are willing to spend big bucks on useless flowers and all. I shan't mention the chocolates cause chocolates are never useless. But seriously. If a guy really liked a girl, he wouldn't buy her chocolates on just V day but on any single day that she's feeling ): and if a guy really liked a girl, he wouldn't go buy those nicely packaged bouquets but he'd go pluck flowers and learn to make a bouquet on his own. I think that'd be the prettiest bouquet ever even if it were fugly by a florist's standards.

Something set me thinking. Why don't I believe in "love"? I mean like. I totally feel like Scrooge at Christmas now with all the humbug stuff. I mean I think the idea is sweet. But it's kinda physically, emotionally, psychologically impossible. Maybe not totally la. You can believe you're in love after reading or watching too many of that sorta stuff. You can be unsure of your emotions and assume it's love. You can make love. Let's not go into that. So anyway I mean like it's possible to love friends. But seriously how can anyone love someone else enough to want to bind themselves to them for like eternity? I'm mean it's like a freaking contract and if you screw up and get tired you'll be held accountable to family, children and all. I mean imagine if you have CHILDREN. Like omg. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against children. I love kids. I adore babies. But they're the reason so many people can't divorce.

Okay like they say I guess, if I ever get married, the guy must love me a hell lot cause he's gna go through hell to convince me in the first place. Especially after... Anyway, this morning was epic.

Check this out:


M was praying. I quote D: "God why must you do this to me." HAHAHA and yknowwho joined the canteen centre tables. Honestly, we have nothing against those tables or the labels ppl assign them but I have to specially point this one out just cause its V. And "just cause it's V" is a very good excuse and reason for everything ^^

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."

Nick Vujicic :: Attitude is Altitude :: No Arms, No Legs, No Worries

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From Disorder in the American Court: (Omg lol)

ATTORNEY: What  gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and  Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Are  you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie  there.

ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't  know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the  bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The  youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like  your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Were  you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting  me?

ATTORNEY: She had  three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were  boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your  Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new  attorney?

ATTORNEY: How  was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by  whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a  guess

ATTORNEY: Can  you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a  beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus  was in town I'm going with  male.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how  many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of  them. The live ones put up too much of a  fight.

ATTORNEY: ALL your  responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:  Oral

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 15th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: Are  you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask  that question?

ATTORNEY: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
WITNESS: I only have one, you know.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?
WITNESS: No. He was wearing a mask.
ATTORNEY: What was he wearing under the mask?
WITNESS: Er...his face.

ATTORNEY: Sir, what is your IQ?
WITNESS: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

ATTORNEY: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

ATTORNEY: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
WITNESS: I went to Europe, sir.
ATTORNEY: And you took your new wife?

ATTORNEY: How many times have you committed suicide?
WITNESS: Four times.

ATTORNEY: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And these stairs, did they go up also?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

ATTORNEY: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?    
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: What was he doing with the dog's ears?
WITNESS: Picking them up in the air.
ATTORNEY: Where was the dog at this time?
WITNESS: Attached to the ears.

ATTORNEY: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?   
WITNESS: She is my daughter.
ATTORNEY: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?     

ATTORNEY: Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?

O: That guy is such a *bleep*.

I think this means that it's gonna be a bad year. It never gets any better. It never rains it pours.

Charmed is so cheesy but I still luv it ^^

The boy asked the teacher: Sir, what is finding love?
And the teacher replied: Go down to the corbs and pick out a corn, then come back. Fetch the biggest. Keep going, but you cannot turn back to pick you can only choose by walking further ahead.

So he went to the corbs and walk down the alley filled with corn.

He saw a fleshy cob, but he thought: maybe there are bigger ones ahead.

So he went further into the dense cobs.
Then he saw another, this time, bigger. But he thought: nope, not the biggest yet. And then he reached the end of the cobs and found a relatively big one. He picked it, feeling satisfied. He then realised the one before was bigger. But he followed his teacher's instruction as to not turn back to change it.

Then he went back, and the teacher explained: this is love, we tend to be picky about our parters, but eventually, we'll never know what we've missed out before. And to regret, its simply too late.

Then the boy asked: What about marriage? And the teacher instructed him to do the same. Went back to the cobs, and this time, he just picked a rather fleshy corn in the beginning, and though he saw bigger ones towards the end, he was satisfied with what he had.

And the teacher explained: This is marriage, after trials of love, you'll understand and love your partner for what he/she is and settle down with it, not being envious of other candidates.

That's when I run to you

Okayyy have been really tired and busy :\ Sigh this is gonna be as good as it gets for at least 10 more months. Super fast it's already the end of Jan. Scary. So another one turned 18:


I have to admit I really miss them. ): All the retard-ness during those few hours we saw each other every week. Everybody's moved on with their own lives now anyway. Guess that's what happens sooner or later anyway to everyone. You only realize how far apart you've drifted when you come back together.

That aside, there was Touch tryouts, oh and CA interviews, this week. Haha let's just say it wasn't entirely pleasant although it was definitely fun. Like Touch tryouts was crazyeeee I love those peepz ^^ and CA interviews was, overall, entertaining. I wouldn't group it under "waste of afternoon" which is for stuff like GMs (hehheh) If I'd been with pangsai ppl or something it would've probably killed me. Tg for Dix and LY. And the occasional CY and of course JW ^^ (who's going for an operation tmr am so jluz she gets to miss sch for a week and lose weight in the process.) M was like quite mia but it's okay his presence was felt. My group is pretty damn awesome tg I didn't stay with the elderly group man.

And today was major epic-ness with E and T tbss WR missed it with her stupid Chinese and stupid "constipation" and YY with her ogl stuff. We were like just "og-surfing" during the free blocks and crashing random ogs and all. Then we stood outside the PAC waiting for WR to shit and pee finish while she was actually sitting in the canteen eating her yong tau foo. Okay she never went to shit; it was our excuse to stand there and watch the parade of J1s and their ogls walk to the hall. Entertaining ttm. Probably gonna be more entertaining than the stupz chingay I'm volunteering at. E and I were like super high today and I think we ttly infected WR too. Anyway we concluded that our batch was probably the most awesome and fun for another few batches or smth. Like QY and F were wearing St Nics and MGS pe shirts looking for an og to crash xD and J is gonna wear VS shirt or smth next monday and crash an og hahahahhaa

Oh and JW was asking me to join the J2 created og called G'had (jihad). Damn funny I think we should totally carry it out then early in the morning we start shouting at the other ogs: G'had bomb G'had bomb G'had bomb to whatever og bomb hahahahahahhahaha damn winz. We'll probably start a racial riot though.

And Chua was damn funny today by pulling the string off the screen and we were suddenly super amused by her "side-change reactions" XD Or maybe we were just really high already hahahahhaha I feel pretty yux though so I'm not gna go school tmrrr :\ Shall sleep it off.

Yesterday was a good day.

But good things never last. (Not with me anyway.)

Today was a very bad day.
I found out that my RS mentor passed away.
3 guys told me that my calves were big.
I feel like a terrible friend.
I realized that my packed schedule never left any room for CA and now I'm heading some segment of the June forum and have no day free for direct service.
 

But for now, let me say -
Without hope or agenda -
Just because it's Christmas -
And at Christmas you tell the truth -
To me, you are perfect -
And my wasted heart will love you -
Until you look like this.
Merry Christmas.

The last Christmas we sang carols before last year's was 2000 I think. Cause it was just before gonggong passed away. So anyway we realized this morning that by tomorrow it'll be 9 years since he's left. And I guess in those 9 years our family has changed and grown a lot. I still remember writing this essay a year or two after he left and my mum and aunty read it and cried. But now that it's been 9 years I think we forget about him sometimes.


+new additions


See how much you've missed in just 9 years - D is taking her PSLE, V is still the youngest, D has moved on to JC, I'm taking my As, C is entering her last year of uni, B is married and has a 1 year old daughter and J is married and has a 2 month old daughter. In the extended family your inlaw (I think) passed away, everybody is married except M who is getting married this year and D and D who're both in really prestigious unis.
A year feels like forever already. Wonder how long 9 must feel when somebody has left you for that length of time and is never coming back and all you're waiting for is to join him again.

Trng followed by Chingay trng today. I wasn't really used to it though. Like when I asked her a qn and even though she answered nicely, it just felt strange. Like I still can't place my finger on what's so awkward and strange about her. I miss C ): 
Anw Chingay trng was gay and I'm damn thankful we wasted time at C's house eating lunch instead of going over early ^^ I h8 those stupid ice-breaker shit games and all esp when you have to do it with a group of people that make you go wth?! so I wasn't exactly very responsive or participative. And FYS left when I came so blahhh but tg we're in the same group at least there's somebody I know ^^ And anw I made 2 new nerdy friends in my group who're damn cute and I'm actually kinda planning on stopping at 2 hahahahha the rest of the peepz are just kinda weird and not v sociable. Oh well. Cya in a month :D

Oh and btw today's trng :DDDDD It was freaking EPIC. I actually typed out a description of what happened with a pretty funny commentary but nvmsss I'm not gna lock this post and I don't wna be labeled a douche. (((:

Open House was the closest we'll be getting to a school holiday for another month so yes appreciated it fully. And touch booth koped 5 helium balloons off the pillars and amused ourselves with sucking helium and playing with iTouches and iPhones. I think at one point in time we had like 4 of those at the booth hahahahaha
Last night's trng was the closest to a good one I've had so far like I really felt motivated and like less shy. So yes (: And yknow what I'm gonna work at it at all costs and keep going whether they think I suck or not cause that's the only way I'm gonna learn. And it's always gotta start somewhere even if that somewhere stinks.
4th day of school and I'm exhausted, deadbeat, shagged. Feels like 4 months into school already or something. I don't know how I'm gonna keep this up. And I realized I've been planning my school year schedule around the fact that I don't have CA which in fact I do. So now I'm screwed. Ggxxyyzz. I'm doing some ic-ing shit with some wala person for some RCLF shit this year too. Meaning responsibility and commitment to CA. GGXXYYZZ.

And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind

OMG I JUST REALIZED IT HASN'T FULLY SUNK IN THAT I'M IN J2.  

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
THAT MEANS MANY THINGS!!!!

1. Last year of student privileges i.e. student meals etc unless I make it to NUS , SMU or NTU which seem to be the only listed unis when it comes to special prices for students.

2. Increase in proportion of younger guys. I don't have anything against dating or looking at younger guys. But it's just generally not my style. (hahahhahaha screwed up style)

3. contd from 2, Decrease in pool of senior guys to look at. Higher chances of eye candying a married guy.

4. I'll be driving in less than a decade from today. Maybe a year. Maybe 2 if I flunk.

5. A LEVELS.

Shit. This year is officially the shit scariest year of my life.

Oh yes and Happy 18th Charleneeee and Happy 19th Tor ^^ I'll find the time to get you boxers somehow.

And we just discovered smth amazing. Legal age for sex in SG is 16 and legal age for marriage is 18. Isn't that kinda upside down?

It's funny how the moment I question faith, stuff starts pouring in about having faith. Especially yesterday's sermon. Not very convincing though I'm still as cynical as ever. Thanks to some people.
That aside, I realized something in church last night. Religion is like a mix of blind faith and words. It's like just something to comfort people, give them the assurance that there is some hope and then if nothing changes for the better, they can at least 1. pin the blame on God or 2. say it's not meant to be. Convenient isn't it. I mean you say there's unhappiness somewhere else in the world so the solution is to pray for them. And then everybody starts praying and I'm like thinking, you mean you all believe that just saying a few words is gonna change anything? Really? Everybody sitting there praying believes it wholeheartedly? If I were anymore cynical than I am now, I'd say that religion and faith are comforting but escapes from reality. Y'know when you can't account for something but you feel like you aren't satisfied until there's a reason, you somehow just place the reason in religion cause it's something that can't be explained in itself but since everybody believes in it then it's the answer.
I feel so damn stupid right now. I know you should never just take a person's word for it; that there is always more than 1 side of the story. And honestly, I never just believed everything. But I still don't like the feeling of having been played into thinking somebody's really sad and y'know allowing that to be an excuse and the reason for all our problems. I mean believed it and accepted that as a reason but now it kinda seems like the only sorry ass around here is yourself cause I'm hearing stuff and seeing stuff that's confusing me. Reallyreally confusing me. Saturdays are bad.

Omg Mr W. Stop trying so hard to be young when you're so obviously not.

"Hi 7B,
 
HO HO HO...it's HOliday HOmework time!"

Sure. You sound like a HohowHOre. Anyway I finally manage to open email attachments from this email and guess what it's less than 48 hours to submission + chem test and that balding aging asshole wants hard copy AND soft copy. ^^^^ you man.

Wasting my day watching:



Ttly hooked. Omg. And he's so cute too :D

Feels like it was just last month we were wondering how we'd adjust to a new culture, a new lifestyle; how we'd make new friends, keep old one; how we could cope with more responsibilities, a greater workload, and less time. And omg now all I have on my mind is how I'm gonna survive.
I just read HQ's blogpost on 2009 and I guess it wasn't totally a bad year for me after all. It might even be the best so far seeing as how it's created so many memories and made me realize so many things. Y'know how they have all those cliches about family and friends? Or about happiness? Those cliches aren't overused or overrated. Just because we've never had the chance to experience them doesn't mean it's not true. And I used to always just laugh them off. It's just like how not hearing a tree fall in a forest doesn't mean it hasn't fallen. Haha I'm one to talk about that seeing as how cynical I am about so many things.

But if there's something I realized, it's really that everything happens for a reason. I know that's how I've always lived. But I can't always say I've fully believed it. It's been more of a I'll just pass it off as an excuse kinda thing which I'm happy to live with. But it's true. And even when supposed bad things happen, when you're feeling down, there's always something good that comes out of it. It's just whether you're focused on the problem, or the solution; the present and past, or the future.

And I've learned so much about myself and the people around me last year. I still don't know who I am, or what I want - I seem to have lost my way some time last year - but at least I'm on my way there.

My friends - I've upset many people, said hurtful things, acted in ways friends shouldn't. And at the end of the day there's really no excuse good enough to ever cover that sort of behavior. So this being the new year, (I know it got off on a bad start with some) I'm gonna be a better friend. I've lost friends or drifted away from many cause it's just too tiring sometimes, but that doesn't mean that any of them are any less important to me when I drift. And I'm so grateful really for the friends I've made last year, for the old ones who don't forget, for the ones who have always been there for support even when I feel like being alone, for the friends who've stuck there by me through my tears and for the friends with whom I've shared laughs.
HQ was talking about how she's grateful for joining touch, and in many ways, I am too. I mean I wasn't exactly a huge fan of touch cause of how it was introduced to us back in RG and all. But now it's a huge part of my life and I can safely say that if somebody or something ever took it away from me, it'd probably leave a huge hole in my life. We've created so many memories that I could never forget it even if I wanted to. And yes, the times with you guys on (and off) the field, whether we get pissy at each other, have probably been the best times of my life last year. And I'm sorry too for all the times I act like a total bitch but I really hope I'll be better this year and you guys would understand that for me what happens on the field stays on the field. (And I'm really a sweet lovable teammate on the inside.) And I guess, if I had a choice, I'd join touch and do it all over again (yes that's what she says now XD) but this time not as a backup plan or reluctantly. This time cause I want it, love it, and want to be a part of it.
And loves, I'm here for you (any of you) if you ever need somebody to talk to(:
Okay XOXOXOXOXOXO (and lots of wine and vodka hahahahahaha)






My family - I haven't been the best I can be and although I try, I still screw up many times just like how people fall into the cracks. And it's gonna be a tough year ahead, probably the toughest so far cause I'm not the best at coping with stress and I'm not gonna be able to handle it but I'll try. And for always forgiving me no matter what shit I get into, thank you.

Sigh 2010. No new year resolutions this year. Was too lazy to think of any. Won't keep them anyway hahaha.

Happy New Year (:

Went to play pool with S at SSC but some lousy dork was hogging the table at the bar and S refused to play them for the table. So we decided to watch Sherlock Holmes early! At KLP. Funny how we were lazy to take a bus so we walked. Doesn't really make sense eh but yeah and it started pouring halfway cause of my lousy luck. We were joking bout hitchhiking cause we were stranded in the middle of nowhere when this reallyreallyreally nice guy stopped his car and offered us a lift if we were going somewhere nearby cause there was no way we'd make it through that rain. So now I'm a believer that there are nice people out there after all. Made my day, kind stranger (: We got to KLP safely anyway and had a weird few minutes at the arcade hahahahahahahaha omg it was epic. We played that basketball thing and omg our arms were more tired than after trngs (IMO)







Omg they are so cute (read: funny, I'm not homophobic but I wouldn't really want them to be gay on second thought) together like man-bffs <333 reminds me so much of House & Wilson.




So dinner at NYNY after. Spent it doing what all girls (and boys) do. (: People-watching + casual chatting and discussion (nicer way of saying gossiping) I ♥ cotton candy ^^ It's awesome for fake beards and possibly eyebrows :D

Watched Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakquel today :\ kinda lame but okay not that bad.
Theodore:  You can’t have 2 little pigs or 2 musketeers;you can’t have 2 chipmunks as well

Should've watched it before Sherlock Holmes though hahahha SH sets expectationsss. Okay list of upcoming movies I must watch:
It's Complicated
The Lovely Bones
The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus (HEATH LEDGER & JOHNNY DEPP)
Did You Hear About The Morgans (HUGH GRANT)
New York I Love You
The Tooth Fairy
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: Lightning Thief
Law Abiding Citizen
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

Today I ran. I ran and did the best so far since I'd gotten back from Europe. I normally keep it at 2km and then stop. But for stupids sake, I had to get past lap 7 so I did 3km. Just to beat that lap number. I need anything and everything I can make use of for the next few days or weeks (hope not) to get through this. Somehow I always imagined that y'know those tv things where girlfriends appear with chocolates and tissues and diss a guy with you or take you pubbing or something would happen. Then I sorta realize that, the movies never actually showed how alcohol and chocolates are only short term. And there's only so much girlfriends can do.

Fuckyeahalone.